There's been some weight on my shoulders. Ever since I started spring semester in college, I've never felt the same. The years of fondness of biking around my neighborhood, talking to the skilled old dude who work on motorcycles and old cars, burying my toes in the beach, and walking everywhere with my dad are all gone. I'm fine with the weight of classes, but my main problem is the fact is that I'm stuck in this shitty brick and cement campus with nothing but cars everywhere, shitty smells, parking lots, and light pollution. I fuckin hate american cities. And I've felt even more lonelier here than back in my hometown, despite there being more kids here and per class. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even a part of the college, like I'm a spectator or something. More so, I wish it was that way. The classes are fine but I hate this place so much. It's so ugly. I see the same shit everyday, and it disgusts me to no end. I know I saw the same views in my neighborhood, but what made it so beautiful was how everything somehow managed to fit perfectly, like a puzzle you just got done solving. Here, I see the sullen reddish bricks, the dark grey asphalt paved road, the steam coming out of the sewers, the constant loud construction, the loud cars at 2 in the morning which keep me up every night, and the fact that all the buildings here look the same. Where's the tranquility? Where's the peace? Where's the beauty? There are beautiful cities for sure but there is no beauty here, where I am. Just efficiency and noise. I never even felt like this back in the fall, probably because I had more freedom to come back whenever I pleased. But now? Nope. Especially with this damned program I'm in. With a spring-summer schedule and a shitty minor which won't do me no good, this program makes me feel like a second class citizen. With the fact that my class is stuck above the infirmary, where sick people go, and considering the fact that applicants for the program on average had lower GPAs and standardized test scores (I hate those too but I digress), and the fact that most of these classes, what they teach is not too useful in the real world. That would be some shit I would learn after getting my life intact, not during a time of uncertainty and when I bear the risk of fucking up real bad, to the point of life-bearing consequences. I hate this place, and God forbid I have to come here more than the times I already need to.